Giantsparkle's

Learning… hand in the Father's

God and I

I  ran! Oh how I ran!
I ran so hard.
I ran so fast.
Wanting to get as far away from you as I possibly could.
I did things I shouldn’t have done.
I said things to you out of scorn.
I taunted.
I mocked.
I turned away time and again, in a bid to distance myself from you.

Taking many wrong roads leaving the right.
Eating voraciously, reading all sorts, watching the wrong.
I did everything I could to drown out your still small voice.
My ego inflated, I didn’t answer to anyone.
Not even you.
I felt I’d lose me if I embraced you.
I felt you’d take over.
I wanted control.

There I was spiraling, going down fast, trying to hang on to the tatters of my life, clawing desperately, nothing to grip and no foothold in sight.
Depressed and suicidal, looking for an out, any out.
Searching for someone on who to lay the blame, ignoring the guilt in my heart, avoiding the shame.

Yet!

You never once put me down.
You never once left my side.
I’d have known much sooner had I listened to your voice.
I’d have grown much faster had I read your words.

I’m so glad you love me.
I’m so glad you care.
Through all my craziness and my unfaithfulness, You remain steadfast.
You are not moved by the messes I get into or the ones I create.
Your arms are always open wide, always welcoming, always home.
I’m still amazed at the love you have for me.
Unable to comprehend how much and why you do.
I’m so undeserving.

Thank you for being there.
For helping me navigate these waters called Life.
Thank you for being my anchor, my compass.
Thank you for your Son.
Thank you for your grace.
Thank you for you.

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